Writers and Depression

This was sparked by news of the January disappearance of Spalding Gray. Joho the Blog has more on Spalding Gray.Depression and the Writing Life

When I heard about the disappearance of Spalding Gray last month, it made me stop and think. Then I encountered a blog written by one of his friends, who is convinced he committed suicide, which made me think some more. I empathized with the story of the tortured soul, because I’ve been there.

About 20 years ago, I found myself in a state of general malaise, though there was no reason why I should feel so. I had a caring husband and a smart little boy who was fun to be around. We had a nice house and no financial worries. The neighborhood was sprinkled with other stay-at-home moms who were always available to share a cup of coffee, and the latest news. Something was wrong, though, because every morning I woke up with a feeling of dread for another pointless day.

Depression is like standing in a hole. You can see just over the top, where the rest of the world, with its bright colors and sounds, goes on day after day, unaware of your plight. You think if you could just reach over the edge, you could get out and join the fun everybody else seems to be having. Only somehow, you can’t manage to reach over the edge; you can’t climb out. You can’t summon the energy or the will.

Eventually I did see a doctor, and after drug treatment and several years, did get up and out. It’s not always that way, though, because for some people the drugs don’t work, or they cause side effects that are more hindrance than help. The causes and solutions are wide and variable, so it makes sense to think about ways to prevent it in the first place, if possible.

Maybe it’s time to address the idea of depression, how it affects writers, and what we can do about it. Of course the subject of depression is far more complex than we can deal with in a short article, but there are some things we can do to identify and/or avoid it, when it’s a result of our work.

It’s not that writers are more prone to depression than anyone else. Among the writers I know are all kinds of personality types; from driven movers and shakers, to introspective wallflowers and everything in between. It’s more that the field itself can create problems you wouldn’t be as likely to find in other occupations. We’ve all experienced the sublime high of a wonderful possibility – maybe we’ll get a book published, or sell an article to a big publication. After the high comes the inevitable low, when we discover that wonderful possibility had some strings attached, it wasn’t quite the success we expected, or even worse, was a damaging mistake. These highs and lows happen often in a writer’s career, sometimes even before the writer manages to establish a career at all.

How you learn to deal with this kind of cycle determines eventually, whether you come out of a period of stress wiser and more determined, or sad and defeated.

Three Ways to Stay Out of Depression

The first thing you can do to avoid it is take care of your health. Paying attention to what your body is telling you important. We writers tend to spend long hours alone in front of the computer screen, and that in itself causes problems. It’s easy to slide into eating and drinking all the wrong things because they’re convenient, not getting any exercise, and not enough sleep. (I know, you’ve heard all this, but if you’re paying attention and recognize the signs, then you can possibly steer clear of a problem that’s much harder to solve than remembering to drink enough water and take your vitamins.)

Get yourself a support system, or reactivate the one you’ve got. Talk to your family. A spouse or a parent can often serve as a sounding board for your frustrations. If you’ve been spending too much time “away,” as in absorbed by the computer, then this is good for the relationship. You could also try attending your church or synagogue if you haven’t for some time. Spirituality and faith can often be enormously helpful during tough times, not to mention it gets you out and about.

Find some stress-busting techniques. Things like tai chi, yoga, or exercise classes can help improve your state of mind, not to mention meeting a new group of people. Exercise on its own is good for helping mild depression. Although meditation is an often-recommended anti-stress technique, it’s not much help for depression, since it’s an inward-looking activity, and your intention here is to get out of yourself, interact with other people, and get moving.

How to Recognize Depression

• persistent sadness or unhappiness
• lethargy
• loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
• irritability
• sudden change in appetite
• disruption of normal sleep pattern
• physical discomfort
• difficulty thinking or concentrating
• thoughts of suicide or death

I would add to this list, “feeling of not belonging to the rest of the Family of Man.” There’s an odd sense of being different – and worse, somehow – than anybody else.

Depression is sneaky. It can be a gradual slide, or a sudden drop in response to a negative event. It’s only human to be depressed after something goes wrong, but if it continues for months, out of proportion to the thing that happened, then maybe that’s the time to get help.

The drug ads on TV tell you that anything out of the ordinary that goes on for more than two weeks is cause to start taking their particular brand of pharmaceutical. I think two weeks is wildly unrealistic. Consider the source; after all, they are pushing expensive pills, that are difficult to stop. Those who are clinically depressed can often spend the rest of their lives on anti-depressants. While this is most certainly life-saving for a lot of people, you shouldn’t be too quick to think a pill will help. Drugs such as Prozac and Paxil have their own set of problems in the form of side effects, so the decision to go on medication should only be made after careful consideration and consultation with a trusted physician.

Check with your local library for books, because I know they’re out there, and a trip to the library can’t hurt, either!

The Double-edged Sword of the Internet

Like many writers, I spend a lot of time each day online. Whether I’m working on my blogs and websites, or doing research, I often find myself looking at the clock in amazement, wondering where the morning or afternoon went. So the amount of time spent in this solitary pursuit can be more than you really need for your purposes.

If you feel you’re spending too much time online, the kind of time that’s not productive for your current project, then break your work session into chunks. You could use a timer with a good, loud noise to alert you, or if you work with music playing, then you’ll recognize the silence when your favorite CD stops. Anything that changes the flow of things can help you get your head out of the monitor.

As a moderator of an online support group, this may seem an odd thing for me to say, but for this purpose, it’s probably better if you stay out of the groups and seek your support in the brick-and-mortar world. That’s because a concentrated search for information and help on anything can quickly turn into obsession – much more easily than other kinds of research. There really is a limit to what you need to know!

The suggestions I made earlier have no negative, unavoidable, side effects, and if they help can be an effective tool against future, more difficult times. You may find new ideas, and new material in there, along with the new group of people, and different way of working.

If you can attain a balance with your work, physical activity, and interaction with real people, then this is a huge help to keeping perspective and maintaining good mental health.

Comments

[Lynda Durrant]

Hunter S. Thompson's suicide has hit me hard. He was a terrific writer--so funny, and he had such a distinctive voice.
Last night a friend said,"He was a tortured soul. My reply:"Writers are tortured souls."
Because the essence of drama is conflict, writers need to have a good working knowledge of suffering in order to write about conflict in a way that the reader will recognize as true.
Depression is our muse; it's both the cure and the disease.

[S. Davy]

Writers, like many other artists, seem especially prone to depression and bipolar disorder (I am bipolar II). Medication makes a big difference. An actor friend described it this way, "Before I wore glasses, I had no idea how poorly I saw. When I wore my eyeglasses for a whole day, I realized this is how most people see! What a revelation. It was that way with medication for my depression."

Bipolar is tricky, because you can feel good...too good, sometimes. And If it's bipolar I, you may find yourself naked on the roof, sure you can fly.
With II, one has "hypomanic" states. Being up 24-36 hours at a stretch writing is not unusual. A feeling not unlike speeding comes over you, and a breathless anticipation. It starts to turn ugly, and the anticipation becomes anxiety, maybe panic, at least that's how it was, and sometimes still is, for me.

Then there's the descent into the all too familiar hell of depression. Lethargy, uselessness, inability to move, work, or find a one good reason for my existence. It's a dark place.

The good news is this- there's more to bipolar meds than lithium. My doctor and I found a good cocktail which includes lithium, but other meds as well. Lithium knocks the highs and lows out, and I felt like I'd flat-lined. Apparently, I was not alone. Most BPs do not want to completely lose the manic state-some of it, yes, but not all.
I write this because if you are depressed, it could easily be just part of a bigger picture.

Many bipolars are misdiagnosed. If you are treated solely for depression, SSRIs like Prozac or zoloft can bring on a manic episode in the bipolar brain. If you think it's even a possibility, discuss it with whatever sort of doctor you see.

Read every book by Kay Redfield Jamison. Remember Nietszhe's words-"In life's school of war;whatever does not destroy me, makes me stronger."